Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I didn't notice because vodka
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
