Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
