He kissed a someone with a penis
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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