just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
