If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
