this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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