just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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