I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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