it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
