my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
