I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
