4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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