and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
