I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
