she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
