At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
