even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
