When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
