Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
