i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
