So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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