my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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