I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
