Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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