'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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