If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
