i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
