I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
