Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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