Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
