just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
