In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
