Ambien. No doubt about it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
