I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
