I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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