Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We need to get me chipped asap
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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