I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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