We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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