maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
