wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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