My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
