im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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