Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Let's get the cat blown out
This toilet bowl is my home.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
