He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
