hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
