well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
