mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
there is glitter all over my balls
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