Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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