Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
