Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so let's talk penis.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
