if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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