no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
