oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize