I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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