I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize