Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
