Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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