i think my tv is drunk
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
