haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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