wanna go halves on a baby?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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