I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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