I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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