you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
