who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
