I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
