her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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