after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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